Section 1: The quest for an authentic life: Understanding value congruence
A. What does It mean for your life to reflect your values? The essence of value congruence.
Value congruence describes a fundamental alignment between an individual’s deeply held beliefs about what is good, just, and important—their values—and the way they actually live their life, encompassing daily actions, choices, and overarching goals.1 It signifies a state where one’s internal compass, their values, consistently guides their external journey. This means that behaviors and responses in various situations are authentically influenced by these core beliefs, rather than by fleeting impulses or external pressures.1 To possess value congruence is to embody the principle of being “who they say they are, and they do what they say they do,” indicating a profound consistency between one’s declared principles and their enacted life.2 It is the ability to maintain a healthy and harmonious balance between personal values, beliefs, and the goals one pursues.1
The journey towards value congruence is, in essence, a quest for an authentic life. It involves looking inward to identify what truly matters and then striving to ensure that one’s outward expressions—actions, decisions, and relationships—are a clear reflection of this inner truth. When life choices resonate with core values, a sense of integrity and wholeness often follows.
B. Why value congruence is a cornerstone of well-being, fulfillment, and integrity.
Living in alignment with one’s values is a cornerstone of psychological well-being, personal fulfillment, and unwavering integrity. This congruence fosters a potent sense of purpose, meaning, and authenticity, contributing significantly to overall life satisfaction.2 When actions are in harmony with core beliefs, individuals often experience a reduction in internal conflict and the stress that arises from cognitive dissonance—the psychological discomfort felt when holding contradictory beliefs or when behavior contradicts beliefs. Indeed, living in accordance with one’s values can contribute to a more peaceful state of mind, even helping individuals “sleep a lot better at night”.2
Value congruence is intrinsically linked to strong character and integrity. When an individual’s actions consistently mirror their stated values, they cultivate trust and respect in their relationships with others.2 This consistency becomes a hallmark of their character, signaling reliability and authenticity. Conversely, a life characterized by incongruence, where choices clash with deeply held values—such as valuing family connection but consistently working excessive hours that preclude family time 4—can lead to profound frustration, dissatisfaction, and a persistent feeling of being off-course. Such a disconnect can erode well-being and diminish the quality of life. As highlighted in Danish perspectives on the subject, a “meningsfuld tilværelse i overensstemmelse med egne værdier vil give en tilfredshed og en oplevelse af øget livskvalitet” (a meaningful existence in accordance with one’s own values will provide satisfaction and an experience of increased quality of life).3 Values, in this sense, act as a “pejlemærke” (guiding star), making it easier to navigate the complexities of life with a clear sense of direction.5
C. The radiating effect of internal congruence on external perception.
The internal state of value congruence, characterized by consistency in thoughts, words, and actions, has a discernible and significant impact on how individuals are perceived by others. This alignment is not merely a private, internal affair; it radiates outward, shaping interactions and building a reputation for integrity and trustworthiness. When an individual is perceived as someone “who they say they are, and they do what they say they do,” it is because their internal commitment to their values translates into consistent, observable behaviors.2
Over time, this demonstrated adherence to values and commitments results in a pattern of follow-through that others can rely on. These behaviors, born from an authentic core, naturally generate trust and respect within social and professional circles.2 Therefore, the practice of living by one’s values is more than an introspective exercise aimed at personal satisfaction; it yields tangible social benefits. It affects not only an individual’s self-perception and inner peace but also the quality, depth, and stability of their connections with others. This suggests that cultivating value congruence is also an investment in building strong, authentic relationships and a positive social standing.
Section 2: Discovering your personal compass: How to identify your core values
A. The importance of “Værdiafklaring” (Value clarification): The first step to congruence.
Before one can assess the congruence between values and life, it is imperative to first clearly identify what those core values truly are. This foundational process, often referred to in Danish contexts as “værdiafklaring” (value clarification), is the essential first step.6 It involves a deliberate effort to uncover what genuinely motivates and guides an individual, distinguishing these deep-seated principles from societal pressures, fleeting desires, or unexamined habits.
This personal clarification is crucial for creating a solid foundation upon which a value-driven life can be built.6 It is not always a quick or simple task; it may be an iterative process that unfolds over time, perhaps requiring reflection “over flere dage” (over several days). Engaging in dialogue with trusted individuals as sparring partners can also be beneficial during this exploratory phase.6 The aim is to arrive at a clear understanding of the principles that will serve as one’s personal compass.
B. Practical exercises for unearthing what truly matters.
Several practical exercises can aid in the process of “værdiafklaring,” helping to unearth the values that genuinely resonate.
1. The Reflective Brainstorm:
This method involves an initial, open-ended brainstorm prompted by probing questions designed to tap into sources of joy, energy, and meaning.6 Key questions include:
- “Hvad gør dig rigtig glad?” (What makes you really happy?) 6
- “Hvad giver dig god energi?” (What gives you good energy?) 6
- “Hvad kan få dig til at glemme tid og sted?” (What can make you forget time and place?) 6
- “Hvad vil du gerne give til andre mennesker?” (What would you like to give to other people?) 6
- “Hvad vil du gerne huskes for?” (What would you like to be remembered for?) 6
- “Hvad brænder du for?” (What are you passionate about?) 6
Answers should be written down freely, ideally one per slip of paper. Subsequently, these slips can be sorted into groups of related themes, with each group then assigned a headline that encapsulates the underlying value, such as “Independence,” “Creativity,” or “Connection”.6
2. The “Snapshot of Your Values” Exercise:
Adapted from practical guidance on value identification, this exercise involves a period of mindful observation, typically for a week.4 During this time, individuals are encouraged to take mental or actual “snapshots” (or make notes) of moments, events, or interactions that:
- Evoked genuine happiness or pride.
- Caused discomfort, frustration, or a sense of misalignment.
- Fostered a feeling of usefulness or purpose.
- Showcased actions in others that were admired.
- Showcased actions in others that were disliked.
Reviewing these collected snapshots at the end of the week can reveal recurring patterns and themes. The qualities consistently admired, or the situations consistently evoking negative reactions, can point directly towards underlying, deeply held values.4
3. Probing Deeper with Foundational Questions:
Certain questions can prompt a deeper level of introspection, helping to uncover core values 7:
- “How do I want to be remembered?” Considering how one wishes to be eulogized can illuminate the values one hopes to embody throughout life.
- “When do I feel the most alive or most satisfied?” Reflecting on specific moments or activities that generate profound energy, purpose, or fulfillment can reveal the values being honored in those instances.
- “How have I made difficult decisions in the past?” Examining the factors that ultimately swayed major life choices can uncover the underlying values that guided those decisions, even if they were not consciously recognized at the time.
4. The “Digging to the Core” Method:
For each potential value identified through the above exercises, a deeper inquiry can refine understanding.6 This involves asking a series of questions for each candidate value:
- “Hvad er vigtigt for dig ved denne værdi?” (What is important to you about this value?)
- “Hvad forventer du at få tilfredsstillet ved dette?” (What do you expect to satisfy with this?)
- “Hvad betyder det for dig – hvad vil det give dig, når du får dette opfyldt?” (What does it mean to you – what will it give you when this is fulfilled?)
This method helps to distinguish surface-level desires or goals (e.g., “a large house”) from the core values they might represent (e.g., “security,” “family well-being,” “status,” or “peace and quiet”). The underlying value can differ significantly from person to person, even if the surface goal appears similar.
C. Distinguishing societal expectations from genuine personal values.
As potential values emerge during the clarification process, it is crucial to critically examine their origin. A key question to pose is: “Is that really what’s the most important to you or is it what you’ve been told you should value?”.7 Authentic personal values resonate deeply and intrinsically, feeling like a natural extension of the self, rather than an obligation, an external script, or a means to gain approval.
Values are often developed from a very early age, shaped by a multitude of influences including parents, caregivers, siblings, teachers, friends, books, media, cultural norms, schools, and workplaces.1 A significant part of the “værdiafklaring” process involves sifting through these layers of influence to discern which values are truly one’s own and which may have been adopted or internalized without genuine personal conviction. This discernment is key to identifying a set of values that can serve as a reliable inner compass.
D. Prioritizing your values: Identifying your top 3-5 “North stars.”
While the process of value clarification may yield a lengthy list of admirable qualities or principles, for these values to serve as practical guides in daily life, prioritization is essential. It is generally recommended to identify a core set of top 3-5 values that best define who an individual is and what they fundamentally stand for.4 These become the “North Stars” that illuminate the path forward.
Some approaches suggest prioritizing values based on where an individual feels the “most energy” or conviction, subsequently creating a ranked list of these top few.6 Others simply advise selecting the three most important values that encapsulate the life one wishes to lead.8 Having a concise list of core values makes it easier to consciously refer to them when making decisions and assessing life choices.
To aid in this process of identification and prioritization, a list of common values can serve as inspiration:
Table 1: Examples of Core Values
| Category | Examples | Source(s) |
| Personal Traits | Accept, Autencitet (Authenticity), Ærlighed (Honesty), Mod (Courage), Nærvær (Presence), Respekt (Respect) | 8 |
| Relationships | Familie (Family), Kærlighed (Love), Medfølelse (Compassion), Connection, Generosity, Tillid (Trust) | 2 |
| Achievements | Karriere (Career), Kreativitet (Creativity), Selvrealisering (Self-realization), Dygtighed (Skill) | 6 |
| Life Approach | Eventyr (Adventure), Frihed (Freedom), Humor, Balance, Retfærdighed (Justice), Uafhængighed (Independence) | 2 |
| Well-being | Sundhed (Health), Ro (Calmness), Tryghed (Security), Egenomsorg (Self-care) | 6 |
This table provides a non-exhaustive list to stimulate reflection. Individuals may identify values not listed here or define these values in unique ways.
E. values are discovered emotionally, Not just intellectually chosen.
The journey of identifying true personal values is not merely a cognitive exercise of selecting desirable traits from a list; it is a deeply emotional and experiential undertaking. Authentic values often reveal themselves through strong emotional responses to life events and by reflecting on moments of genuine fulfillment or profound discomfort. The “snapshot exercise,” for instance, explicitly directs attention to things that “fik dig til at føle dig glad” (made you feel happy) or “fik dig til at føle dig skidt tilpas” (made you feel unwell/uncomfortable), directly linking value identification to emotional reactions.4
Similarly, questions such as “When do I feel the most alive or most satisfied?” point to peak emotional experiences as potent indicators of what is truly valued.7 Prompts like “Hvad gør dig rigtig glad?” (What makes you really happy?) and “Hvad oplever du som et perfekt øjeblik med en følelse af lykke eller stolthed?” (What do you experience as a perfect moment with a feeling of happiness or pride?) further underscore this connection.6 These methods collectively emphasize that true values resonate at an emotional level. They are not just abstract concepts admired from a distance, but principles that, when lived or violated, evoke significant feelings. Therefore, the discovery process necessitates an attunement to these emotional signals, suggesting that values are less “chosen” from a pre-defined list and more “excavated” from the rich soil of one’s lived, felt experience.
Section 3: The “Livshjulet” (Wheel of life): A visual check-up for your values in action
A. Introducing the “Livshjulet”: A snapshot of your life’s balance.
The “Livshjulet,” or Wheel of Life, is a widely recognized and effective coaching tool designed to provide a visual overview of an individual’s current satisfaction levels across various important life domains.9 It typically takes the form of a circle divided into segments, often eight, with each segment representing a key area of life.10 Individuals rate their satisfaction within each area, usually on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 indicates very low satisfaction and 10 represents very high satisfaction.9
The resulting “wheel” offers an immediate visual representation of life’s current balance. It clearly highlights areas where an individual feels fulfilled and, conversely, areas that may be “bumbling” or require more attention, thus revealing potential imbalances or areas of neglect.12 The visual output often resembles a “edderkoppespinds lignende graf” (spiderweb-like graph), making it easy to see at a glance where life might feel uneven.9 This tool is particularly useful for helping individuals “få fokus på den del af dit liv, der trænger til ‘at bliver gjort noget ved'” (get focus on the part of your life that needs ‘something to be done about it’).11
B. How to use the “Livshjulet” for self-assessment.
Using the “Livshjulet” for self-assessment is a straightforward process:
- Step 1: Identify Your Life Domains. One can use a standard set of 8 domains, common in Danish coaching contexts, or adapt them if necessary to better fit one’s personal life structure. Table 2 below provides a common set of categories.
- Step 2: Rate Your Current Satisfaction. For each identified domain, one must honestly assess the current level of satisfaction on a scale of 1 (very dissatisfied) to 10 (very satisfied). This rating is then marked on the corresponding segment of the wheel.9 It is important to remember that the goal is not to create a “pænt ud” (pretty) wheel, but rather an honest and accurate reflection of one’s current reality.9
- Step 3: Visualize Your Wheel. After rating all domains, the marks are connected. A relatively round and expansive wheel might suggest a balanced life with high satisfaction across areas. In contrast, significant dips in certain segments will make the wheel look uneven, indicating areas that may require attention or improvement.
- Step 4: Reflect on the Results. The visual output serves as a catalyst for reflection. Key questions to consider include:
- “Er der områder, som skiller sig ud?” (Are there areas that stand out?).9
- “Er der områder, hvor du bruger rigtig mange mentale ressourcer, men hvor du egentlig ikke er tilfreds og derfor scorer lavt?” (Are there areas where you spend a lot of mental resources, but where you are not actually satisfied and therefore score low?).9
- It is important to consider why some areas have low scores. Crucially, how do these scores relate to the core values identified in Section 2? For instance, if “Family & Relations” is a core value, but the Livshjulet score for that area is low, this signals a potential value incongruence.
- For areas scoring relatively high (e.g., 8 or 9), one might ask “hvorfor er det ikke en 10’er?” (why isn’t it a 10?) and “Hvad skal der til for at jeg scorer 10 i denne kategori?” (What would it take for me to score a 10 in this category?).9 This encourages striving for optimal fulfillment even in well-performing areas.
Table 2: The “Livshjulet” (Wheel of Life) Categories
| Kategori (Category) | Beskrivelse (Description) | Primær Kilde (Primary Source) |
| 1. Job / Karriere | Tilfredshed med arbejde, karrierevej, professionel udvikling. | 9 |
| 2. Økonomi | Tilfredshed med finansiel situation, økonomisk tryghed, håndtering af penge. | 9 |
| 3. Sundhed | Fysisk helbred, energiniveau, kost, motion. | 9 |
| 4. Familie og Relationer | Kvaliteten af forhold til familie og venner, socialt netværk. | 9 |
| 5. Kærlighed | Tilfredshed med romantiske forhold, intimitet, partnerskab. | 9 |
| 6. Personlig Trivsel | Generel følelse af velbefindende, mental balance, selvaccept. | 9 |
| 7. Livsglæde | Oplevelse af glæde, sjov, hobbyer, fritidsaktiviteter. | 9 |
| 8. Stress (niveau) | Oplevet stressniveau og evne til at håndtere det. | 9 |
Note: Kategorierne fra CoachingUniverset 9 er anvendt her. Andre versioner af Livshjulet kan inkludere let varierende kategorier som “Personlig Udvikling” 10 eller “Bolig & Omgivelser”.12 Det vigtigste er at vælge kategorier, der føles relevante for den enkelte.
C. Connecting the “Livshjulet” to your values: Spotting misalignments.
The true diagnostic power of the “Livshjulet” in the context of value congruence emerges when its results are interpreted through the lens of one’s identified core values. The exercise moves beyond a simple satisfaction check to become a tool for spotting misalignments between lived experience and cherished principles.
If a core value, such as “Health,” has been identified as paramount, but the corresponding segment on the Livshjulet scores a low 3, this presents a clear and quantifiable indicator of incongruence. Similarly, if “Personal Development” is a key value, but the “Job/Career” segment (if it offers little growth) or the “Fritid” (Leisure) segment (if it’s not utilized for learning or skill-building) scores poorly, this also points to a mismatch between stated values and daily reality. Some methodologies explicitly guide users to brainstorm their values after completing an initial assessment of their current life wheel. They then create an ideal future wheel, using their values as a “pejlemærke” (guiding star) to inform the desired changes and actions in each life domain.11 This process helps to bridge the gap between current satisfaction and a more value-aligned future.
D. The “Livshjulet” as a diagnostic tool for value conflict or neglect.
The “Livshjulet” transcends its function as a simple satisfaction meter; it serves as a potent diagnostic instrument capable of revealing potential value conflicts or instances of value neglect. Value conflicts arise when the pursuit of one valued area negatively impacts another (e.g., an excessive focus on “Career” undermining “Family” or “Health”). Value neglect occurs when an important personal value isn’t being adequately addressed or honored in any significant life domain. Low scores on the Livshjulet, particularly in areas directly linked to identified core values, pinpoint specific arenas where incongruence is manifesting.
Reflection prompts such as considering “områder, hvor du bruger rigtig mange mentale ressourcer, men hvor du egentlig ikke er tilfreds og derfor scorer lavt” 9 suggest an inefficient or misaligned application of personal energy relative to desired, value-driven outcomes. The question, “Er der visse områder, der stjæler for meget energi fra de resterende områder? Hvilke områder skaber ubalance?” 11, directly addresses the concept of value conflict. For example, over-investing in a career, perhaps driven by a value like achievement or financial security, might lead to low satisfaction scores in family life or personal health, indicating that other core values are being compromised.
Furthermore, if an individual has identified “Creativity” as a core value, yet all relevant life domains on the Livshjulet (like “Job/Karriere” or “Fritid & Sjov”) score low in providing creative outlets, this points to value neglect. The wheel, in this instance, doesn’t just show dissatisfaction with a job; it can reveal that the job isn’t fulfilling the core value of creativity, a much deeper and more actionable insight. Thus, when interpreted through the lens of pre-identified core values, the Livshjulet becomes a powerful tool for diagnosing precisely where and why value incongruence is occurring across the practical landscape of an individual’s life.
Section 4: The 20 questions: A deep dive into your value congruence
A. Purpose of the 20 questions: Moving beyond surface awareness.
While the “Livshjulet” provides an excellent visual overview of life satisfaction across different domains, a deeper inquiry is often needed to fully understand the nuances of value congruence. This curated set of 20 questions is designed to facilitate such a deep dive, prompting critical reflection on how identified core values manifest—or fail to manifest—in an individual’s thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions. The primary aim is not to achieve a numerical “score” or a definitive pass/fail judgment, but rather to uncover subtle patterns of alignment or misalignment across a variety of life situations. These questions encourage a more granular examination of daily life through the prism of one’s most important principles.
B. The curated 20 questions for self-reflection.
The following 20 questions have been synthesized from various reflective prompts found in resources focused on value clarification and life alignment.2 They are framed to directly explore the congruence between stated values and lived experience and are grouped thematically for a more structured reflection.
Table 3: The 20 Value Congruence Questions
Theme 1: Values in Daily Life & Actions
- Reflecting on one of your core values: “Hvad er vigtigt for dig ved denne værdi?” (What is important to you about this value?) 6
- For that same value: “Hvad betyder det for dig – hvad vil det give dig, når du får dette opfyldt?” (What will it give you when this is fulfilled?) 6
- Are your top three values active in your life currently, and to your satisfaction? (Inspired by 2)
- Do things feel forced right now in your daily life? 13
- Are you feeling energized or depleted throughout your day, and how might this relate to living (or not living) your values? (Inspired by 13)
- “Hvad afholder [dine nuværende omstændigheder eller tankemønstre] dig fra at gøre eller være?” (What do your current circumstances or thought patterns prevent you from doing or being, in relation to your values?) (Inspired by 14)
Theme 2: Values in Decision-Making & Priorities
7. When you made your last significant decision, to what extent did you consciously consider your core values? (Inspired by 4)
8. Can you describe a recent situation where your actions clearly reflected a core value, even if it was difficult? (Inspired by 16)
9. Can you describe a recent situation where your actions conflicted with a core value? What were the circumstances and your feelings?
10. “Hvad er vigtigst for mig i livet – privat og fagligt – og hvordan afspejles dette i, hvordan jeg bruger min tid og energi?” (What is most important to me in life – privately and professionally – and how is this reflected in how I spend my time and energy?) (Inspired by 4)
11. “Hvor meget er jeg villig til at gå på kompromis med mine værdier, og i hvilke situationer har jeg gjort det for nylig?” (How much am I willing to compromise my values, and in what situations have I done so recently?) (Inspired by 4)
Theme 3: Emotional Indicators of (In)Congruence
12. When do you feel the most alive, authentic, or most satisfied? What values are being honored in those moments? 7
13. What situations, activities, or thoughts consistently make you feel frustrated, resentful, or ‘off-track,’ and how might these feelings signal a value conflict? (Inspired by 4)
14. On a scale from 1-10, how loud is your intuition at the moment, and do you generally trust and act on its guidance (which is often value-aligned)? 13
15. Are you truly happy with the general direction of your life right now? 13
Theme 4: Values in Relationships & External World
16. How do you want to be remembered by the people closest to you? Are your current interactions and behaviors building that legacy? 7
17. In your relationships (family, friends, colleagues), do you consistently act in ways that reflect your values regarding (e.g.) honesty, compassion, support? (Inspired by 2)
18. “Hvad vil du gerne give til andre mennesker?” (What would you like to give to other people?) And are you actively doing so? 6
19. Consider a value like “transparency.” Does your behavior align if you state you value it but often “seem to work out a lot of situations behind closed doors?” (Example of incongruence from 2). Apply this logic to one of your own core values.
20. What changes do you need to make to ensure your values are better represented in your life? 2
C. The “Test” is a catalyst for pattern recognition and systemic understanding.
This collection of 20 questions serves as a “test” not in the sense of yielding a definitive score, but as a catalyst for profound self-reflection and pattern recognition. Its true value lies in the systematic process of self-inquiry across diverse life contexts. While individual questions offer localized insights—for example, assessing whether daily life feels “forced” 13 or reflecting on one’s desired legacy 7—the cumulative effect of considering these varied prompts is where deeper understanding emerges.
By thoughtfully engaging with each question, individuals are guided to connect disparate experiences, feelings, and decisions back to their central value system. A pattern might surface: for instance, consistently feeling “forced” (Question 4), frequently making decisions where actions conflict with values (Question 9), habitually ignoring intuitive guidance (Question 14), and realizing one is not actively building the desired legacy (Question 16) could collectively point to a significant and systemic incongruence around a specific, perhaps neglected, core value.
Therefore, the “result” of this “test” is the holistic picture that forms from these reflections. It is designed to illuminate not just isolated incidents of alignment or misalignment, but rather systemic tendencies in how one’s values (or the lack of adherence to them) permeate their entire life. The 20 questions act as twenty different lenses through which to examine the central issue: “Does my life truly reflect my stated values?” The answer lies in the overall narrative that these reflections construct.
Section 5: Bridging the gap: First steps towards living in closer alignment
A. Interpreting your self-assessment: Identifying key areas for change.
After engaging with the “Livshjulet” and the 20 reflective questions, the next step involves interpreting these self-assessments to identify key areas where change is needed or desired. This requires a careful review of the responses and the visual representation of the Livshjulet. The central question is: Where are the most significant or recurring discrepancies between stated values and actual lived experiences?.9
It is often most effective to focus on areas of incongruence that cause the most personal distress or dissatisfaction, as these are likely to provide strong motivation for change. When examining the Livshjulet, one might ask, “Hvilke områder skaber ubalance?” (Which areas create imbalance?).11 From there, it can be beneficial to concentrate on the value that appears to be in the “dårligst tilstand lige nu” (poorest condition right now), as addressing this can have a significant positive ripple effect.11 Identifying these specific points of friction is the first step towards targeted action.
B. Initial strategies for making changes and fostering greater congruence.
Once areas for change have been identified, several initial strategies can help foster greater value congruence:
- 1. Focus and Prioritize: It is generally unrealistic and overwhelming to attempt a complete life overhaul simultaneously. Instead, selecting one or two key areas or specific values where alignment is weakest allows for concentrated effort and a higher likelihood of success.11 This targeted approach makes the process more manageable.
- 2. Set Value-Aligned Goals: For the chosen area or value, the next step is to define concrete, actionable goals that would represent an improvement in congruence. While values provide the “retning” (direction), goals are the specific “handlinger” (actions) taken to move in that direction.3 For example, if “Health” is a core value and current behaviors are incongruent, a value-aligned goal could be “Exercise three times per week” or “Prepare and eat healthy meals five nights a week.”
- 3. Identify Small, Achievable Steps: Large goals can be daunting. Breaking them down into smaller, manageable steps increases the likelihood of initiation and sustained effort.3 One might ask: What is one small thing that can be done today or this week to move closer to this goal? An example given in the context of chronic pain illustrates this: if valuing friendship but lacking energy for extensive activities, a small, value-aligned step could be sending a supportive text message instead of organizing an outing.3 Similarly, it can be helpful to consider if one can “gøre en lillebitte ting hver dag for at komme godt fra start?” (do a tiny little thing every day to get off to a good start?).12
- 4. Re-evaluate and Adapt Behaviors: This involves conscious reflection on current habits and routines. Key questions include: “Hvad kan du gøre i dag for at understøtte dine værdier mere?” (What can you do today to support your values more?).6 Equally important is to consider, “Hvad skal du undgå?” (What should you avoid?) 6—that is, identifying behaviors, situations, or thought patterns that consistently pull one away from their core values.
- 5. Consider the “Cost” of Inaction (and Action): Reflecting on the consequences of both aligned and misaligned actions can be a powerful motivator. One resource prompts consideration of “Hvad kostede disse handlinger dig?” (What did these actions cost you?) when behavior is incongruent with well-being or values.14 Conversely, contemplating the positive outcomes and benefits of value-aligned actions can reinforce the motivation to change.
C. Adaptive realism – Redefining success to enable congruence.
Achieving greater value congruence does not always necessitate monumental life changes or radical transformations. Often, a more sustainable and effective approach involves adaptively redefining what the successful enactment of a particular value looks like within the context of one’s current constraints, capabilities, and life circumstances. Small, consistent, value-aligned actions can, over time, be more powerful and transformative than grand, unsustainable gestures that quickly lead to burnout or discouragement.
A poignant example of this principle can be seen in how individuals adapt to limitations. Someone may deeply value being a good and supportive friend, a value previously expressed through frequent and active social engagement. If current circumstances, such as chronic pain or low energy, make such activities unfeasible, the value itself need not be abandoned. Instead, its expression can be adapted: “kunne det i en periode være nok at ringe til dem, eller måske blot sende en SMS?” (could it for a period be enough to call them, or perhaps just send an SMS?).3 This demonstrates a shift in the method of expressing the value, not a compromise of the value itself. The definition of “being a good friend” is realistically adjusted to fit the current reality.
This idea is reinforced by the encouragement to “dele dit mål op i mindre bidder, så det bliver lettere og mere overskueligt for dig at tage et enkelt skridt ad gangen” (break your goal into smaller pieces, so it becomes easier and more manageable for you to take a single step at a time).12 This implies that progress towards congruence can be incremental and scaled to fit individual capacity. Therefore, bridging the gap between current reality and a more value-aligned life is often less about radical upheaval and more about creative adaptation and realistic adjustment. It is about finding ways, however modest, to honor core values in the here and now. This “adaptive realism” makes the journey towards congruence less daunting, more accessible, and ultimately more sustainable, allowing for continuous, albeit sometimes gradual, progress.
Section 6: Cultivating a value-driven existence: Making congruence a lifelong practice
A. Values as an evolving compass: The need for regular reassessment.
An individual’s core values are not necessarily set in stone for a lifetime; they can, and often do, evolve with accumulating life experience, personal growth, age, and shifting circumstances. It has been observed that “our values change over time and with life stages”.2 This dynamic nature of values means that achieving value congruence is not a one-time accomplishment but rather an ongoing practice that requires periodic attention and adjustment.
Therefore, it is beneficial to regularly revisit one’s identified values—perhaps annually, or during significant life transitions such as career changes, new relationships, or personal milestones—to ensure they still resonate deeply and accurately reflect one’s most authentic self. The process of value clarification itself can take “flere dage” (several days), implying it is a considered process rather than an instant revelation.6 Similarly, it is acknowledged that individuals do not “ændrer… sine værdier… natten over. Dette er processer som tager tid” (change their values overnight. These are processes that take time).5 This ongoing reflection ensures that the “compass” guiding one’s life remains true and relevant.
B. Tools for ongoing alignment.
Several tools and practices can support the continuous effort to live in alignment with one’s values:
- Journaling: The practice of regularly writing about one’s experiences, challenges, successes, and reflections related to living by one’s values can be a powerful tool for enhancing clarity, reinforcing commitment, and processing insights. As noted, “Writing can be a clarifying process that helps you articulate your challenges and opportunities in ways that thinking, alone, can’t”.2 A helpful addition to a journaling routine can be to conclude each entry with a specific intention for the next day, aimed at embodying a chosen value.2
- Mindful Self-Awareness: Cultivating the ability to observe one’s thoughts and feelings without automatically being “caught” or overwhelmed by them is crucial, especially concerning unhelpful thought patterns that might lead away from valued actions. This involves learning “At se ‘på’ tankerne fremfor at se ‘fra’ tankerne” (To look ‘at’ thoughts rather than ‘from’ thoughts) 5, fostering a sense of de-fusion or psychological distance from them. Techniques for managing “uhjælpsomme tanker” (unhelpful thoughts) include simply observing them, giving recurring negative thought patterns a name (e.g., “Aha, der har vi XYZ-historien igen!” – Aha, there’s the XYZ story again!), or visualizing them in a way that diminishes their power and emotional charge.14
- Intentional Action: Consciously choosing actions, even small ones, that align with core values on a daily basis reinforces congruence. The principle that “At lade værdier definere handlinger, kan virke som et pejlemærke for hvordan man skal leve sit liv” (Letting values define actions can act as a guiding star for how to live one’s life) underscores the importance of deliberate, value-driven behavior.5
C. Embracing the journey: Authenticity as a continual pursuit.
Living a value-driven life is best understood as an ongoing journey rather than a fixed destination. There will inevitably be periods of greater alignment and times when incongruence is more apparent. The key to navigating this path successfully lies in maintaining self-awareness, practicing self-compassion when missteps occur, and continually striving to bring one’s actions into closer harmony with one’s authentic self.
The act of living congruently is, in itself, a powerful expression of authenticity. “When you enact your values, you’re demonstrating your truth – your expressions of yourself that are most honest and authentic, which not only fulfills you on many levels, but also inspires those around you”.2 This ongoing pursuit of authenticity, fueled by a commitment to one’s values, is what gives the journey its profound meaning and richness.
D. Value congruence as a dynamic equilibrium, Not a fixed state.
Ultimately, true and sustained value congruence is not about achieving a permanent, static state of perfect alignment where all actions flawlessly mirror all values at all times. Such an expectation is often unrealistic and can lead to frustration. Instead, it is more accurate and helpful to view value congruence as a dynamic equilibrium. This equilibrium requires continuous monitoring, adjustment, learning, and recalibration in response to both internal evolution—such as changes in personal values, priorities, or understanding—and external shifts, including new life circumstances, unforeseen challenges, or emerging opportunities.
The explicit acknowledgment that “our values change over time and with life stages” 2 inherently implies that a state of congruence achieved at one point in life may naturally require re-evaluation and adjustment later on. The metaphor of values as a “kompas” (compass) is particularly apt here: “Du bliver aldrig færdig med at rejse mod vest” (You are never finished traveling west).3 A compass guides an ongoing journey, necessitating constant reference and periodic course corrections, rather than leading to a final, static arrival point.
Furthermore, the understanding that changing one’s relationship with values and accepting new life situations are “processer som tager tid” (processes that take time), and that one does not need to be “100% i mål… før man opnår en effekt” (100% at the goal… before achieving an effect) 5, supports the notion of an ongoing, imperfect process rather than a final, perfected state. The need for regularly revisiting values and using tools like journaling for continuous reflection 2 further underscores this idea of a lifelong practice.
Therefore, the pursuit of value congruence is less like constructing a fixed, immutable structure and more akin to navigating a ship across a vast ocean. The intended destination—a life lived authentically and in accordance with one’s deepest principles—remains the guiding star, but the conditions, both internal (one’s evolving self) and external (life’s myriad changes), are constantly in flux. This perspective fosters resilience, patience, and self-compassion, encouraging a continuous engagement with one’s values rather than frustration when perfect, unwavering alignment feels elusive.
Conclusions
The exploration of value congruence reveals it to be a cornerstone of a fulfilling and authentic life. It is the harmonious alignment between an individual’s deeply held principles and their daily actions, decisions, and overall way of being. This report has detailed the significance of such congruence, not only for personal well-being, integrity, and a sense of purpose but also for the quality of interpersonal relationships, as internal consistency often translates into externally perceived trustworthiness and respect.
The journey towards greater value congruence begins with “værdiafklaring”—a deliberate and often iterative process of identifying one’s core values. Practical exercises, such as reflective brainstorming, the “snapshot of your values” technique, and deep, probing questions, serve as valuable tools in unearthing these foundational principles, distinguishing them from societal expectations or superficial desires. The emotional resonance of certain experiences often acts as a key indicator of what is truly valued.
Once core values are identified and prioritized, tools like the “Livshjulet” (Wheel of Life) offer a visual means to assess current life satisfaction across various domains, thereby highlighting potential areas of imbalance or incongruence with these values. The “Livshjulet” can act as a diagnostic tool, revealing where value conflicts or neglect may be occurring. For a more granular examination, the proposed 20-question “test” provides a framework for deep self-reflection, encouraging individuals to scrutinize how their values are—or are not—reflected in their daily lives, decisions, emotions, and relationships. This “test” is not about a score but about fostering systemic understanding and pattern recognition.
Bridging the gap between stated values and lived reality involves interpreting these self-assessments and then formulating strategies for change. This includes focusing on priority areas, setting value-aligned goals, breaking these goals into small, achievable steps, and consciously re-evaluating and adapting behaviors. The concept of “adaptive realism”—redefining the successful enactment of values within current constraints—makes this process more sustainable and less daunting.
Ultimately, cultivating a value-driven existence is a lifelong practice, not a one-time achievement. Values themselves can evolve, necessitating regular reassessment. Ongoing tools such as journaling, mindful self-awareness, and intentional action support this continuous journey. Embracing value congruence as a dynamic equilibrium, rather than a fixed state, allows for flexibility, learning, and resilience in the face of life’s inevitable changes. The pursuit of living in accordance with one’s deepest truths is a continuous, deeply personal, and profoundly rewarding endeavor, leading to a life of greater authenticity, meaning, and fulfillment.
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